Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Not even a corpse to see.

With the glimpse of smile on my face, it was an uneasy feeling, failing to recall last night terror and end up sweating all over me.
Shall I ask or find the significance of my dream? Or I narrate to myself in washroom(superstitious beliefs). Neither of them I did because I was carried out with intense feeling of obliged that His Holiness Dungse Thinley Norbu Rinpoche, who is a reincarnation of Guru Rinpoche was visiting Sherabling HSS today(October 2009). He is 79 and lives permanently in New York and this was his first visit to Bhutan for 15 years.

Dungse Rinpoche is visiting on personal invitations by our formal Prime Minister Lyonchhen Jigmi Y Thinley. For this very reason school was called off.
Everyone was rushing  to auditorium hall and eagerly waiting, waiting for His Eminent Rinpoche to arrive. I was sitting next to Jamyang Choeda my only intimate friend. Not more than few minutes of chatting and starring, people rose to their feet hearing the sound of cymbal and jaling. Some of followers was aiding Rinpoche to tread to his throne while all the students were watching enthusiastically. His Holiness then begun to grace audience in Tsangla.

His preaching was all about taming our mind and the very reason why we are born to be Buddhists. Every words of His Holiness seems very passionate and touching my inner soul. Two hour passed and it was time for His Holiness to fleet .After blessing all of us, he bade us and was heading to Bumthang and then to Rangjung Monastry in Trashigang.

After Rinpoche had just left, our principal Madam announced that after lunch everyone should be present to auditorium hall to commence meeting with Dzongkha Development Division.
Everyone was very happy to hear this news for it was a great relief from daily hectic schedule.
Someone was calling my name and I was told to come to school gate. I coolly went and found out that my relative have come to see me. I was accompanied by Jamyang Choeda. My relative were asking about my study and answered everything was fine. There was little change in her tone and she told me that she have received call from my family down there in Samdrup Jongkhar. I couldn't believe what she just said. I was padding her that it was not true. I saw her recollecting her energy and this time her voice was shaking "its true Chenga. I am not kidding. I guess u should leave soon to home." I was silent for a while, Jamyang too heard about it. Was I still dreaming? Yes, I am still dreaming!

This cannot be, this cant be. I haven't seen him almost a year now. I can recall bursting into tears with disheartened face of him while biding me in bus, leaving for school. I have just talked in a phone a week ago and he told that everything is fine there. How he can be like this. Soon I found my teacher Dechen and Chorten with few others surrounding me. I assured them everything is fine with me. I was told to talk with madam principal for a leave. When I reached her house, she reminded that of Rinpoche's teachings, and she approved my request . I couldn’t remember how I reached to my room, Dawa and Jamyang have packed my stuffs and my teacher gave me some money and Dawa and Jamyang escorted me to town where I hired a cab, bade them.

The road climbed out of the valley to the pass at Yotong La. At first the road went through deciduous forest which was beginning to change colour. As we climbed the deciduous trees were replaced by open coniferous forest with bamboo. Much of the bamboo was dead or dying from disease and a pale brown/grey colour. We were getting up into the cloud and it felt and looked very atmospheric.I was explaining my condition to cab and he too consoled me.Once over the pass, yak grazing area, deciduous forest before reaching the Chumey Valley, it fleeted.

We left the Chamkar valley and drove along the Tang Valley,for my heart was racing, crying inside ,with dismay. Tang valley through blue pine forest beginning to change colour and turn golden. There were raised pavements beside the stream. Narrow winding unmade roads ran between the houses between tall stone walls with logs neatly piled on top. Stiles made from a log with steps cut into it gave access over the walls. The houses had a small vegetable garden and with barns and sheds .Night was creeping and everything seem dark.The road became more dramatic.

It cut across the vertical cliff face of Narling Dra on a narrow ledge with a few concrete blocks on the outside edge in the most dangerous places. The cliff was so high and steep it was impossible to see the top or the bottom. There were some substantial waterfalls and plenty of chortens. It was very dark and smog crosses all over me. And we reached Mongar town at noon.for cab was completely tired , he told me to take rest, neither I was able to sleep nor I was able to stop thinking. it was 3 am in the morning, I kept watching on clock to turn it fast .Every minutes seems passing like hour .I was suffering for insominia.

We were offered a cup of tea by the Grandmother which we were expected to halt the night in Yadi .She was my friend Kinley Wangmo's Grandma. Reluctantly we ate breakfast and left for Trashigang. Workmen were busy rolling large boulders off the road down the hillside. I thanked my cab for his deeds and I hired another cab leading me to Samdrup Jongkhar. The road ran along a ledge cut into the hillside above a steep drop. There was a lot of landslide damage. There were also large numbers of lorries hurtling along the road taking stone from a quarry in the hills to the cement works near Samdrup Jongkhar. I have changed number of cabs and it was dark when I reached to funeral ground.

I came out from my cab crying loud, falling down the ground. My cousin brothers and my sweet darling were waiting for me. Funeral ceremony was ended and only I saw was spark of flames. I cried louder each time flames turned to ashes. Only I could see is a fakes of ashes burning down to hearth. It was the most unforgettable moment in my life. Before I could repay all my deeds, he passed away. People were gathered there. I heard them, people of mine weeping. Most of them padding me , consoling me , like in movies , I was lost in grief, grief for not seeing him, for the fate that has finally found me, after all a grief for "not even a corpse to see"......

Every night I see him, heard his voice now and then.
“ I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me”.
    (Dickinson’s  )